Fear

All eyes were trained on me.

Every. Single. Pair.

I could barely breathe as I continued to slowly walk across the rose colored carpet. I feel as though I am afraid of a lot of things, but i'm also constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone to mask the things i'm most deeply afraid of. What if I tripped? Would every laugh at me? Would someone try and help? I could barely focus, just wanting to be done with this decent to hell.

If you told me that I needed to scale the side of a mountain, or jump from an airplane, or hang off the edge of a building - i'm all for it. I can push through that anxiety to hide the fact that if you told me in the next couple years, I could lose everyone important to me, or that I won't have accomplished anything, or that I've failed - it wouldn't be so easy to break through that barrier of anxiety and face what's to come.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I had made it to the front; But it still didn't feel right. The priest allowed everyone to sit, smiling at me; and yet, I still could take no comfort in this.The truth is, the fears that hold me back are the ones that have been proven to me time and time again. They're like the versions of myself that I constantly consult before making a decision. They are those alarm bells going off in my head when I try something new, or meet a new person, or tell someone anything that they could possibly use against me.

...and after all this close analyzing, you'd think I'd have a steady mind and an easy heart... but what if this is a mistake? What if i'm marrying the wrong the person?